


Gura Vores Jeff Bezos (just not in this fic)

by Nellancholy



Category: Hololive, Hololive En, Virtual Streamer Animated Characters
Genre: Bottom left, Crack, Gen, Socialism, gura vs the 10 hour workday, vore but like the idea of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28316532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nellancholy/pseuds/Nellancholy
Summary: A startling realization leads Holomyth on a new adventure to help a friend.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	Gura Vores Jeff Bezos (just not in this fic)

**Author's Note:**

> Saw the most absurd image macro on Tumblr today and got inspired:
> 
> [](https://ibb.co/RBD7hvb)  
> 
> 
> I've definitely not watched enough of Hololive EN to get a firm grasp on their voices,and the fact is that even when streaming they're not 100% in character all the time.
> 
> So writing an in-fiction story where they are their characters can be a bit tough. But hey,it's crack.

A lull fell over the meeting room. Things had gotten a bit quiet after Haachama’s departure.

If someone had to take charge and get this ship back in motion, Kiara figured she had to be the one to do it. She swiped her finger across her tablet, scrolling over her group’s meticulously-planned schedule for the coming fortnight.

“So…” She exhaled. “…the other big events this week are Left 2 Die on Wednesday, Gura’s been chosen to stream the first look at Queen of Brawlers XV on Friday, and Trypophobia with PekoMiko on Saturday. Me and Calli-" Here she gave a little smile and nod as the pinkette rolled her eyes. “-will be drafting our next duet over the weekend. Any questions?” She inhaled sharply, a certain part of her not quite wanting to hear the answer.

“Uh, yeah.” Amelia raised her hand lazily. “Why aren’t I on the team for the Coalition of Champions match against Nijisanji?”

Kiara exhaled. “You know they always pick hypercarry tops, and your early CS is, well…”

“Inadequate.” Gura sniffed.

“Un…impressive?” Ina gave a sympathetic glance.

“Bad.” Calli pursed her lips.

“...so we’d…kind of taken a substitute on board so we can properly maintain map control out of the laning phase…” Kiara’s apologetic grimace widened.

“Eh, whatever.” Amelia spun around in her chair. “MOBAs are lame anyway. Perfect for Flare to join you in.”

Kiara gently lowered her tablet, taking the opportunity to stretch out her arms. Amelia would be much less snippy in about ten minutes anyway. “So! If we’re all on the same page, maybe we can conclude this meeting and adjourn to KFP…”

“Actually…” Ina raised a tentacle. “…there was kind of something…”

At the sound of Ina’s voice, Calli and Gura both leaned in, perking up.

“On the way here, I kind of met Roboco in the hallway and she seemed kinda down…” Ina leaned back in her chair. “…she said her body was getting creaky and she really wanted to get the Super Jiggly MILFtastic Booty Horror Junk In The Trunk Gynoid Chassis as a replacement or it’ll get harder for her to move and stream. But…”

“Her computer parents are deeply conservative? Hek hek hek, they’re just scared of the new boobage she’d have.” Amelia snickered.

“She’s worried about getting through doorways?” Calli raised an eyebrow.

“A-chan won’t let her write it off as a business expense?” Gura’s eyes narrowed. “It’s…money, isn’t it?”

“Um, kind of.” Ina put her finger to her chin. “She said…”

“Amazon has established a firm monopoly on fully integrated gynoid chasses by producing them in their sweatshops and has sharply jacked up prices?” Four pairs of eyes turned to Kiara. “…I-I assure you, my interest is solely on the economic implications of the…fluctuations, and t-the exploitation of labor, and…”

“I think we get the picture, Kiara.” Calli nodded in a way that was not unkind. “Ina, did you bring this up because you wanted us to help…somehow?”

Ina folded all her arms at once, looking thoughtful. “Well, if we set a long term goal with some kind of crowdfunding, we could…”

“ **No.** ” A strange rumble rose from Gura.

Ina blinked. “No, as in no crowdfunding, or no, we shouldn’t help-”

“ **No.** ” Gura snarled. “ **Jeff Bezos.** ”

“Uh, yeah.” Kiara frowned, a bead of sweat running down her chin as the temperature in the room seemed to fall by several degrees. “He’s the CEO of Amazon, but I don’t see-”

Gura’s fist cracked the meeting room’s desk clean in two as her trident materialized in her hand, rumbling with the pressure of the abyss. “Jeff Bezos could pay for **EVERYONE** on earth to get bimbofication surgery!”

Ina gulped. “I get it, but this is about Roboco-”

“Well, why the **FUCK** doesn’t he do it?!” Gura brandished her bonking trident. “Does he hate **BIG,JIGGLY TITTIES?** ” She swung her arm out to jab at Calli and Ame’s floaties,almost puncturing them.

“Guh, watch it!” Calli grumbled.

“Big **HONKING MILKERS-** ” Here Gura’s other arm moved to grab a handful of Kiara’s juicy thighs. “-and **WOBBLY DUMPTRUCK ASSES?!** ”

Ame turned back to face the window. This was building up to something, and she wasn’t getting involved.

“Does he just want us to **SUFFER?!** ” Gura flung her trident at the bottom left of the wide window pane, shattering it like Yagoo’s dreams once were. “ **FUCK YOU JEFF BEZOS YOU PIECE OF SHIT!** Come on girls!”

Ina’s eyes widened. “Gura, where are you-”

Gura leapt out of the newly-created exit, catching onto a conveniently-passing Amazon Prime drone. “We’re going to get our friend a dummy fucking thick new body! Let’s gooooooooo…” And it carried her off into the wild blue yonder.

“Well!” Kiara’s smile widened. “I see this was a very productive meeting!”

Calli blinked. “Are we gonna…”

Ame chuckled, jingling her keys in her pocket. “Guess we’re taking the time machine. Hop on.”

* * *

_And so our heroes embarked on a valiant journey to the nearest Amazon warehouse._

_Did they find a Super Jiggly MILFtastic Booty Horror Junk In The Trunk Gynoid Chassis there?_

_What trials did they face along the way? What fierce battles did they fight?_

_Did Gura actually vore Jeff Bezos?_

_That, my friends, is a story for another time._


End file.
